Energy and moving through a season of depletion

Fiona: 00:02

We often think of wellbeing as one-dimensional. What if we look at it from a different perspective?

Josephine: 00:08

The possibilities are endless. All we have to do is step outside the square.

Let's walk this walk together and hold on tight for the ride.

Fiona: 00:16

My name is Fiona. I'm a corporate wellness facilitator, body image and eating psychology coach and a lover of joyful experiences.

Josephine: 00:24

And I'm Josephine, a dietitian, somatic release therapist and a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist.

Fiona and Josephine: 00:30

Welcome to Outside the Square.

Fiona: 00:35

Welcome back.

Josephine: 00:37

Good morning, good evening, wherever you're at in your day.

Fiona: 00:40

So exciting to be back again. Especially after the last week’s episode, which I think was so much fun and I don't know about you, but I had lots of fun doing lots of inner child things in the last week.

Josephine: 00:54

And I saw some beautiful pictures on our Instagram, Fiona they made me laugh.

Fiona: 01:00

So this week we are talking energy and really about that sense of depletion, being out of balance or something not being right, having that sense of depleted energy. It's something that I work with a lot of people and I know you do too.

After the last few years we've had, there has been a sort of sense of not having enough energy, a sense of really having lots going on and a sense that we're sort of burnt out and depleted.

Josephine: 01:32

Absolutely, I love to call it just a season of heaviness, you know, and a lot of us have been through this in that we can try force ourselves to try to do a whole lot of stuff, but actually our bodies, our souls, our hearts, are just feeling, not feeling it.

What do you do when you are in a season of feeling depleted? That's what we're going to be talking about today.

Fiona: 01:57

Where do you think the root of that is? So when we're in that space of sort of depletion or that low, heavy energy, what do you think the root of that is?

Josephine: 02:10

I think we've been conditioned to have an expectation by society, by schooling, by parenting, to have an expectation that we show up at a set time, and we do. We do the to-do list or we follow the school schedule or whatever it may be. That means the emphasis has always been on doing rather than being, and so we're starting to talk here about the masculine energy of doing, having structure following logic. But actually, we've all got feminine and masculine energies within us and the feminine energy might be asking to do something to follow your intuition, to express your emotions, to rest, to be rather than follow the structure and to do as that society expects of us. And especially if you're going through one of those seasons of heaviness where your mood is heavy, you physically feel tired and fatigued, then that masculine energy that's expecting you to be able to perform may not be beneficial to us.

Fiona: 03:15

I love that, because it really is, it's that it's the difference between the two, isn't it and it’s thinking about how that doing part and that being part can fit together or that yin yang, you know, how can how can they exist at the same time and how can we keep that balance and not let one overtake the other.

Josephine: 03:36

Yeah. Another big reason a lot of us feel depleted is because of energy leaks, and by energy leaks I mean giving away your energy to things that don't light you up or don't serve you, and I think that's a big one too.

Fiona: 03:51

Yeah, I agree. I see that a lot with clients when we talk about energy levels, so they might come in with digestive issues or looking to lose weight and one of the issues is around ‘Well, I don't have the energy. I want to exercise, I don't have the energy to do it. Or I have this low energy’. And the first thing that I will ask is, rather than let's try and get you more energy, before we try and add in, can we stop where that energy is leaking from? So do you know where that's going and are we able to put a pause there and stop that from leaking out before we try and give you more?

So rather than try to do more, because that then often comes back to that doing piece ‘well what else can I do to get more energy?’ more and more and more, it’s ‘What can I do with the energy that I have? How can I optimise the level of energy that I do have right now?’ and identifying and understanding where that might be leaking from for yourself is the first step.

Josephine: 04:54

Absolutely, and what are the most common energy leaks you see?

Fiona: 04:57

For me, I think most of the energy leaks I see from people are experiences that they've had in their life that they haven't fully processed or digested, so they're holding on to emotions, anger, hurt, shame, guilt from past experiences that they haven't been able to let go. That is a really big one for people that drains their energy because it takes up a lot of space in their life.

And I think the other one that comes up, which is probably more on a day-to-day basis, is ‘the different people that I need to interact with’. I have one particular friend who called me and she said, ‘oh, I'd really like to catch up with you for a coffee. I was supposed to see another friend, but she's one of those friends that I, she drains my energy and I need to have a more wholesome like I need an interaction with someone that's going to fill my cup rather than drain my cup.’

So she wasn't saying that to say, I don't want to see that friend or I'm going to cut that person off, but just that she was aware that when she goes into that friendship, there is more of a take from that other person and she didn't have enough in her cup to be able to give to that person in that interaction.

So I think they're the two big ones that come up is around people and around memories and experiences that we're holding onto.

Josephine: 06:25

That makes absolute sense to me that in a season of depletion, you're going to need to be around people who you find nurturing. That's not to say that it might not be a season where you're in a season of energy where you want to be around your friends who do bring that energy up and have a lot of fun with them.

Fiona: 06:45

It's something that a lot of people struggle with as well because we want to have really wonderful relationships in our lives and we don't want to hurt other people so this sense of unease that comes when that person who you know is going to drain your energy calls you and says ‘hey, let's catch up’ and you go, oh. There's that inner sense of ‘this is going to take from me’ and that can be a really hard thing to manage and to deal with and to put a boundary in place around that or to feel like you can say, ‘look, let's go and do this instead, or can we meet up just for a short time, or can we have just a chat on the phone instead, or can I see you in a few weeks’, or whatever it might be. It may very well be that the whole relationship does need to be something that you move on from, but that's going to be very different based on where you're at in that season.

Josephine: 07:50

And potentially where you're healing’s at, if you've got some of these big emotions that you're always pushing down, and this dynamic is bringing that up for you, that it's going to be more tiring to spend time with that person, and that connection won't be able to deepen until you've done some work on that.

Fiona: 08:09

When we think about the space of our own emotions and our own experiences, I think that can have a really profound effect on our energy and when we are in that season of heaviness, we do tend to get drawn back into those spaces where, you know, we’re re-feeling some of those experiences from the past that maybe we haven’t moved on from yet.

I think that's a really valuable thing to understand that when we are in that season, we talk about season, but I think it's important when we talk about season to know that that season will change as well. So part of it is acknowledging that this is the season that we're in, and can we actually just sit with that as well. Do we have to balance and have more energy? Or can we actually operate from a place of deep rest and acceptance and acknowledgement and love for that season that we're in?

Josephine: 09:14

Yeah and it is an invitation, a season of heaviness. It is always there for a reason and this is something I talk about with my clients quite a lot, that there is something asking to be healed, right, you are being asked to spend time alone, you're being asked to rest so that you can do some healing. And often, I see, when I see clients surrender to that and it might be for a few weeks, it might be for a month, it might be for a few days for some people, then it starts to shift because they've actually started to feel the emotions which the heaviness is drawing them into, the sadness, the depression, the things that we don't want to feel because it seems like it'll swallow us forever. But it doesn't. It's always like, as you say the season always changes when it's honoured and when it's seen and yeah, when you have some of those tools to work with it and go deeper into yourself, getting to know your needs better, or how you need to connect more deeply in relationships in the future, if they're really draining for you at the moment.

Fiona: 10:25

I think people tend to know where they are when you reflect inwards, you know where you are in that season and you know when you're ready to move on from that as well. I remember once I was with a therapist and I was in a really bad place and she was wanting me to have a conversation with myself, which is something that we do and we teach Josephine in our emotional release process, and this was before I trained in emotional release and it was the first time I'd had to speak to myself and I found it really uncomfortable. And I was crying and she said, ‘go and sit over there, opposite where you're sitting, look back at where you were sitting and pretend you're talking to your crying self and comfort her. And I was like, ‘no, I'm not ready’ I need to sit with this. I wanted to have more time to think about and to sit with the feelings that I was having before I went into ‘what’s the lesson here? How do I feel better?’ And so then she said, ‘okay, well, then what I want you to do is go over to this seat and really like sit in it and like let it out’

And I think intrinsically there are times where we know we need to sit with those feelings and those emotions and those experiences before we move on from them so that we can do that in a way that then brings us more energy rather than continues to deplete us because we actually haven't sat in that space for long enough.

Josephine: 12:04

It’ll change so quickly and then the times right. Yeah, it's just trusting, trusting yourself to be there and allowing it.

Fiona: 12:11

Yeah, and the other thing that comes up a lot in energetics and you know feeling depleted is that word boundaries, so when we talk about optimising the energy that we have, step one is to turn off the leaks and discover where it is. Is it people that are draining you? Is it past experiences? What might that be? And that's a really great exercise, journal out, just write every single thing: people, places, beliefs, memories, emotions, anything that drains you. Write it all down and get an understanding of what are the things in your life that take that energy away, and you might be surprised when you start doing that, when you start listing that out or really thinking about it that there are things that you didn't think of or that wouldn't immediately come to your mind.

So you might go ‘Yes, that person I always feel drained when I see that person’, but you might also say, ‘actually, I feel drained when I go on holiday here, or I felt drained when I'm in this environment versus my home environment or versus being out in nature’. So it can be really eye opening in that way to sort of understand where those leaks are, but then it's about thinking, how do we optimise the energy that we have, so once we've stopped the leak, rather than thinking about more energy, how can we use and optimise the energy that we have?

Josephine: 13:43

What are the healthiest boundaries set in your life to maintain energy for yourself?

Fiona: 13:49

Oh. For me, it is, I don't know if it was a boundary so much, but it was a permission, so I guess there is a boundary there, it was giving myself permission to change my mind. So I’m a yes person, you ask me out in three weeks, I’ll say ‘yes, I’d love to’ because right now I would love to. But in three weeks, it now doesn’t feel energetically right for me. I’m like ‘mmmm I don’t want to do it now, and now I’m stuck and now I’ve said yes’. I feel so responsible to do what I said I was going to do, and those two things where internally I'm saying, ‘I don't want to do it’, but my responsibility is saying ‘but you said you would’ can battle it out and I don't always feel like there's an opportunity to change my mind or to say no after I've said yes. So for me, the biggest boundary around energy that I've given myself is the permission to change my mind based on how I'm feeling and that that's okay.

Josephine: 15:01

Yeah, the energy is going to change from day to day and a commitment you made three weeks ago may not suit you on the day.

Fiona: 15:09

But understanding, you know, there are some commitments that you make that you have to follow through with, you know, as well, but also really honouring the space when it really doesn't feel aligned anymore.

What about you? What's the biggest boundary that you set for yourself to help conserve or increase your energy?

Josephine: 15:31

It’s saying yes to imperfect action. For instance, this podcast. My ego and my brain’s saying ‘no I don’t want to show up and do a podcast every week because that’s terrifying, but my body, heart and soul are saying ‘actually I’d really like to do that and I think I’d get a lot out of that and it’s be energising’, but I have to get over that brain no first. So the boundary is doing it anyway, even if I feel a bit sick, even if I feel a headache coming on because that’s almost like my brain sabotaging me. It’s the fear sabotaging me, I know that because I’ve checked in with my body and my soul and I actually want to do it, you know.

Fiona: 16:13

I like what you say though, that you've committed to the to the yes, but you've committed to imperfect action, and when we think about energy and energy depletion, that perfectionism is one of the things that can drain us of energy as well. That resistance or reluctance to do something because it may not be perfect. That sense of if it's not going to be done right, a) I am not going to do it or b) I'm going to do it and it's going to take me longer it's going to take more energy and take up more brain space, so I think that imperfect action is so valuable in terms of our protection of energy.

Josephine: 16:58

Yeah, if you're listening and relating to this, I'd encourage you to ask yourself, ‘what am I overthinking and other analysing in my life?’ Like, what are those thoughts I have on loop? And for some people it's food, for some people it's ‘I can't do this’, for others it's about certain relationships, trying to solve certain inter-relational problems, and there's your energy leak there, that overthinking and over the analysing. It may not look like you're doing anything, you may be sitting on the couch but there's an energy leak there where there may be imperfect action or just acceptance of the imperfectness of where you're sitting.

Fiona: 17:42

And it's often a revelation to think, ‘actually, I could be doing something so different with that headspace, that serves me rather than depletes and takes away from me’, and it is I think, in that acceptance of that imperfection.

Josephine: 18:01

And sometimes it takes a season of heaviness to figure this all out, right? There's a season of heaviness and then there's taking imperfect action, whereby you may be able to do a whole lot more than you ever dreamed, if this thinking over analysing work is not drawing that energy from you.

Fiona: 18:24

Oh, s a valuable conversation I feel more energised already just from having this conversation with you today, Josephine. Energy is a really interesting one and I would encourage all of you listening to think about it in a slightly different way, so think about where your leaks might be rather than desire for more energy and stop from that point first. I think that's really the key take away here is to think about what that is and think about what boundary you're going to put in place for yourself to help conserve and protect your energy. So with that, I think we'll leave you for this week and we can't wait to see you again in a week.

Josephine: 19:11

See you then.

Before we finish up for today, we would like to acknowledge the original custodians of the lands on which our podcast is created, the Ngāi Tahu people of Aotearoa New Zealand,

Fiona: 19:23

and the Cammeraygal people of the Eora Nation Australia. We pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging and to all our listeners who identify as Aboriginal, Torres Straight Islander, or Maori.

Josephine: 19:36

We love connecting with you, our listeners and talking about the topics that mean the most to you. Reach out to us on Instagram at Outside the Square Podcast and let us know what you want to hear more of.

Fiona: 19:47

Until next week, keep stepping outside your square.

Josephine: 19:51

One of the tools I use, because I'm often doing this with clients as well, in between clients, I will breathe in my name, Josephine Sutton, and breathe out the client's name or my husband's name, David Sutton, three times, and by the time I've done that, I'm committed to being back in my energy, not the other person's energy that I've just been interacting with. So their problems are gone. Their mood is gone, and I'm back into my body and what's happening for me, as a quick little hack for me to switch, switch back into what's true for me.